22: Take risks—life’s too short and happiness too rare… Hmm
Jules muses Brum Comedy Festival, a MAFS application, supporting Hal Cruttenden, Ben Elton nostalgia, and being heckled to “free Diddy!”
Transcript:
Episode 22: Take risks—Life’s too short and happiness too rare… Hmm
Jules O’Brian:
Hello, I’m Jules O’Brian. Welcome to another episode of “Avoid Excessive Cleavage and Other Advice to Ignore.” This is a podcast that firmly believes that no matter your age, shape or size, you should
wear whatever you like and express yourself however you like. Life’s too short to be letting other people bring you down, even if sometimes it feels really hard to ignore them.
This is not the podcast for you if you’re looking for something a bit edgy, a bit out there, or a bit controversial. It’s more thoughtful, cosy and relatable with an occasional side of bafflement at the
state of things thrown in for good measure, but it’s also the podcast that says no to unsolicited advice and cheesy inspirational quotes. Today’s inspirational quote is, “If there’s even a slight chance of getting something that
will make you happy, risk it, life’s too short and happiness is too rare.” That very much sounds like one of those quotes that you see written in cursive over a picture of a woman holding a mug by a window looking like she’s just remembered that she once had
dreams, doesn’t it? You know? And it worries me a little bit because I just think that, I don’t know, there are certain
risks that yes, we should be taking and others that maybe we shouldn’t. So for example, a few weeks ago, I took part in Birmingham Comedy Festival. Absolutely gorgeous festival.
I’ve done it now for a few years in a row. I did my show Avoid Excessive Cleavage and Other Advice to Ignore two years in a row because obviously the first time I ever did it was terrifying.
I didn’t really know what I was doing and then the second year, I’d sort of fine-tuned it, dropped a lot of stuff, added different bits and pieces and it was much more what I wanted it to be and I felt much more confident with it.
And then the year after that, I shared the stage with one of my comedy pals, Kevin Daniel and we did half an hour each of kind of new stuff but lots of mine wasn't brand new. It was just that stuff that I needed fine-tuning and had a gorgeous time.
Absolutely gorgeous. So this year, I think I probably got a bit cocky and I decided to do again half an hour of new material.
Why not? I’ll tell you why not, because I died on my ass for half an hour. It was horrible, it was embarrassing, it was humiliating because I hadn’t really thought
the whole thing through. I think I just thought, “Oh it’s Birmingham Comedy Festival, the audiences that go to that, they’re true comedy fans, they’ll roll with it, I’ll have a lovely time.” And oh my
God, it was so horrible. One couple walked out and I don’t blame them, you know, oh my God. And that was a risk that I thought was worth taking but definitely wasn’t, there should have been some kind of intervention before I was allowed to do that.
I did not have fun. But yeah, I just sort of think that whilst as an inspirational quote, it sounds all well and good and I’m forever saying, now you know what, life’s too short, let’s just do whatever.
But at the same time, I think there are certain things, certainly that I do, case in point just made, but perhaps just need that extra little bit of thought put into them. Another risk that I’ve taken recently and I can’t believe I’ve done this and I can’t
believe I’ve waited until I’m in my fifties to do things like this, but I have applied for the new season of Married at First Sight. Oh yes, I have.
And yes, I know if I did get through, I’ll be the Old One that gets paired up with another Old One, but I just decided to go for it because, you know, my dating life isn’t exactly going swimmingly to say the very least, is it?
I’m very alone and I’ve been very alone for such a long time now that I genuinely can’t see a time when life isn’t going to be like this and I’m not unhappy. I’m not in a place where I’m kind of going, “Oh my God, I’m so lonely.
I wish I had somebody to keep me company.” Well, I do feel like that sometimes actually, especially this time of year, you know, there’s that whole tunnel vibe and then we’re going to have to run up to Christmas and I’ll be
watching the cheesy hallmark movies because I love cheesy hallmark Christmas movies and I’ll be thinking, I wish I got a man in a jumper sitting next to me so that I could just put my head on the jumper.
Shall I just get a jumper? Maybe I should just get a man’s jumper? Maybe that’s the answer, but I think I would like there to be a man in it.
I think. Anyway, I guess that’s what I could find out when my if I did go on Married at First Sight. I could find out if it’s just the jumper I want or an actual man.
I’ve been watching it. I’ve been watching that and I love it. I can’t tell you how much I love it.
I used to hate anything like that. Anything like Married at First Sight, Love Is Blind, Love Island, all of those things. I was so sort of derisery about.
Really would look down my nose and then my two daughters moved back very young and still watch all of those kinds of things and I would walk into the lounge when they got it on the TV and like I say, if you’re looking down my nose, it’s like, oh my
God, how can you watch And then one day Ellie said to me, “Well, just for me, just try one episode of Love Island.” This is going back three years or so now.
“Just try it, Mom. Just see, just see what you think.” Oh my god, I was hooked and I feel like I should be thoroughly ashamed of that.
But I’m not so now. I do watch Love Island and I bloody love MAFS. Absolutely love it.
Do you know what I think a lot of it is? Because I’m quite sort of a newshound and I’ve always kept my eye on the headlines and what’s going on around the world.
And it’s vile, isn’t it? Now it’s just so, so horrible to sort of be looking at what’s going on around the world. And you put something on like Love Island or MAFS and there’s not a single mention of
it. I’m starting to feel as though reality TV stars should be the people put in charge of things because the kind of arguments they have are never going to start world wars.
You know, it’s so shallow and I love that. That isn’t me being, you know, I’m not being horrible about it. I think it’s great.
I used to be horrible about it, but now I think no, I think if the biggest argument we’re going to have is about, you know, “You said something to my boyfriend and I don’t think you should have said that to my boyfriend.”
Brilliant. That’s great. Bring it on.
That’s just a conversation like that. Instead of bombing the shit out of each other all the time. That’s why I love these TV shows just so easy to watch.
They take you away from the real world, I want it click as they’re supposed to be the reality TV. And that’s not the reality that I live in most of the time.
Although I have stopped looking at quite as much of the news as I was. The 24-hour rolling news thing is not a blessing, is it, at all? It really does force you to acknowledge that the world is going to hell in the hand basket.
And yeah, I’m not enjoying that, but I am thoroughly enjoying reality TV. I’m so sorry if that disappoints people who know me. I really am.
And I just think Married at First Sight is brilliant. And I think it might be my last only chance to finally meet someone. Although I do dread to think what it would be like.
My two daughters have said they would definitely want to be there. My son hasn’t got involved as yet. Not sure what his attitude would be.
I think the fact that I haven’t told him that I’ve applied says a lot. As I suspect he’ll be horrified. But my daughters have said they want to be there.
They want to be at the wedding and that they would not hold back on their feelings and attitudes. And I believe that, their faces do not hide the way that they’re feeling. So I think it would be entertaining.
And I think I might actually stand a chance of meeting someone. At least every a bit of a laugh wouldn’t it for a while? And I get to live in a lovely apartment, a lovely modern apartment for a few weeks without
any cats or adult children on the other side of the wall or scratching at the carpet. The kids don’t scratch up the carpet, obviously. That’s the cats, I think.
That’s who I’ve been blaming anyway. Anyway, back to that quote that I started off with. So that whole idea of taking risks, putting yourself out there.
Just doing things because it might be something that ends up making you feel a bit happy for a little while. So this is kind of loosely related to the idea, I guess. I went to Camden just for a new material night a couple of weeks ago.
It is run by a brummie guy that I know from back home. Absolutely loving him to death but wants to give everyone a shot, just really working hard at the whole comedy thing.
And it was at a venue called The Fiddler’s Elbow in Camden. It’s a music venue, all very cool and everything. That nice venue, the crowd, other brummies on the bill.
So I was kind of looking forward to catching up with people from yesteryear. We all kind of started out around about the same time. They now live in London and I don’t.
But you know, it felt quite nice for a little while to know that I’ll be seeing people from the past of comedy. But yeah, so I get there and the room slowly starts to fill up.
But just with guys, right? Just with young men, they were all about 20, I’d say they’re all in their own 20s, possibly late teens.
It was about 25, 30 of them, I guess. Not a bad turnout for a new material might. And there was one woman bless her heart.
And she was stuck the back on her own, wearing the white puffer jacket. Like, I don’t know, she sort of looked like she’d wandered in looking for the toilets and just sort of decided to stay out of politeness or something.
But God , love her for being there. But it was, yeah, it was a lot of men and I thought, right, okay. I don’t really feel like this is my target demographic.
But fine, I’ll open the show. I’ll do what I can. You know, to win a move, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
So I start with some new stuff and I’m trying to talk to them, you know, and it felt a little bit like, and this is going to show my age now, I guess. But it just felt like I was standing in front of a group of my old year 11s
because they just looked so young to me. You know, I’m used to audiences, obviously, of all different ages. But this was very specifically all guys and all what looked to me, very, very young.
Anyway, out of nowhere when I’m sort of in full hell, you know, saying all my stuff and going, okay, that didn’t work as well, whatever. And just trying to have a bit of a laugh about it as you do at a new material night,
this lad from the back suddenly shouts, “Free Diddy!” What? What? There was no reason?
None. I wasn’t talking about that. I wasn’t even talking about music.
So I stopped, and said something along the lines of, “What did you just say?” And I said, “What was it about my material that made you want to shout that out?” Which got the biggest laugh of the night so far for me, which is very depressing.
But there we go. Yeah, it turns out all I needed to do was interrogate a confused 20-year-old about his moral compass.
But anyway, so he goes, “He’s an inspiration to this generation of young men.” I thought, “Oh, shit.”
You know, so I’ve stood on this little stage in front of all these guys with this one fellow randomly at the back saying something incredibly weird. So I thought, okay, am I in a bit of trouble here?
But then these fellows were just so lovely because I said, “Is that right? Do you see Diddy as an inspiration?” They all chorus together,
“No!” it was really important to them that they could see that they were with me and not with him, which was a very lovely feeling. And yeah, it felt kind of nice and safe.
And I was able to crack on, talk into this guy and say, “Why do you want to talk about this?” You know, but he doubled down. So even though he knew the room wasn’t with him, he doubled down, started talking about
baby oil, you know, and some of the horrible, salacious things that were in the press about the whole diddy trial. And the room was just kind of groaning as he was talking, just like, mate, what are you
doing? You know, shut up. Anyway, eventually we won and he did shut up.
And the weird thing was when I came off afterwards, I had to walk past him at the back of the room. And I was really lovely, “You’re really good.
That was really funny.” What? I will never, ever understand audiences.
You know, sometimes it’s just the strangest experience. And I thought, Bloody hell, came all the way to London for this on a Monday night to argue with a man-child about Diddy and baby oil.
And I don’t know. But anyway, so that was that. I said my goodbyes, it was lovely to see the guys that used to be Brummy-based.
So I head back to Euston. I've got an hour to kill before my train. So sat down in the waiting area, just trying to decompress because that had been a really
random weird situation. And the person sitting next to me just starts trying to kick a pigeon from their seat repeatedly trying to kick a pigeon that’s minding its own business, just having a little peck
around the floor in Euston. And then another person sits down on the other side of me, clearly quite, you know, they didn’t look in the best of ways.
And started asking me for money. And I’m, you know, I’m a people pleaser, so I don’t want to seem mean. And so I’m engaging in conversation with this person.
And I just sat there thinking, what are we doing? Why am I here? This has been a truly bonkers night.
So I mean, you know, as regards the quote, yeah, life is too short, happiness is too rare. I don’t know. I mean, you know, what else would I have done?
What else would I have been doing? Had I not been arguing with a random man about the liberation of a dodgy rapper, and surrounded by a pigeon kicker
and somebody clearly in need of a lot of help because of their overuse of legal substances. Hey, d’you know what, you’ve got to laugh. These are the nights that you remember, aren’t they?
Just bizarre when you’re in the situation at the time, like saying, what am I doing with my life thing? Yeah, take the risks.
Be happy. Didn’t quite feel like that in the moment. But, good loads of good stuff has been happening actually.
Really, really good. So recently I supported Hal Cruttenden, who is on his tour at the moment. Hal Cruttenden Can Dish It Out But Can’t Take It.
His show is absolutely brilliant. Very funny. If you get the chance to go see him, just go.
He’s absolutely great. I supported him in Nottingham and Gloucester. And I’m really jealous now.
Every time I see all the other acts that he’s got supporting him in different places all over the country, brilliant audiences, theatres full of warmth and laughter, and Hal is just a great guy.
Very, very funny and very, very kind. The sort of person who remembers the name of a tech, checks you’re alright, genuinely wants you to do well.
And not everybody is like that in comedy and in a, you know, vast array of other industries and professions as well, I think. But that has been absolutely lovely.
And a friendship has sort of blossomed out of that. So that’s something that I’m very much valuing. Just a really nice person to have cross paths with and to, yeah, just to know now and have
in my life, what a lovely, lovely thing to have happened. It’s funny because when I started comedy, I thought the big thing would be making it and don’t get me wrong.
It still would be. But, you know, I’m talking about where I used to be300 --> 00:18:29,380 naïve enough to think that that meant things like, like, the Apollo and Netflix special.
But actually, this is going to sound so cringe. And I don’t always mean this. It depends what mood I’m in.
But a lot of the time is the people, the connections, moments when you sort of found your tribe, I told you I was cringe, people would get it, people who’ve done the long drive, the weird rooms and still love it anyway.
Because that’s what keeps you going, you know, that sense of camaraderie, yeah, being able to support one another, love all of that. So yeah, actually, October, I know we’re halfway through November now, I can’t believe it.
October was, what a nice month. I didn’t do a podcast in October. So, um, haven sort of covered a lot of the stuff that’s happened since sort of, yeah, October
and early this month. But I had a piece published in Chortle, which was a really lovely surprise. Again, not something that I ever thought I’d ever get done.
The feedback’s been absolutely amazing. People really sort of connecting with it. About, it was just about that feeling that a lot of us get in comedy when you’re working
hard. You are progressing, but at the same time, you still feel like you’re standing still. It’s sort of a weird, slightly bruised mix.
And frustration and hope, and I focused in on the fact that I’m an older woman. I didn’t start comedy until I was 46 And being an older woman who is new in comedy, confuses people a little bit, or that’s
how I feel anyway. Maybe I’m projecting, but that’s how it feels to me. And yeah, I just tried writing about that and expressing my experiences.
And it was absolutely by no means a criticism of anyone or anything. It’s just, as I say, talking about what I’ve seen and had said to me, never in any, as in ways, it’s just kind of a matter of fact:
“You know, there’s no point putting anybody over 40 through in a competition because where’s the longevity?” And, or trying to think of other things.
Oh yeah, somebody once said to me, “Well, do you know what? It took me 20 years to reach the point that I’m at now.
So what are you going to do, You’re going to hope you’ve made it by time you’re 70?” And I promise this wasn’t said with bitterness or unkindness, it was just going off other
people’s experience. And it’s that fear. Oh God, somebody said to me, audiences, prefer younger acts.
I was on, when I was only about nine gigs in, actually, told me, and this was said to me in quite an unpleasant way, but he was very drunk at the time. He said, “There’s no point in even trying at your age,” which kind of has spurred me on, so maybe
I should be grateful for that because, yeah, it’s just made me go, “Hold my beer.” So still giving it a whirl. And yeah, it did me, it was good.
It was quite a cathartic exercise to write that piece, really lovely, it’s on Chortle and it’s by me, Jules O’Brian, if you want to go and look it up, have a little read. Not long before that, I’d been on BBC Radio WM, what was supposed to be a quick chat about
Birmingham Comedy Festival. And it turned into something much more personal. So Ed James was the host of the show, he interviewed me, and he was just absolutely lovely.
And we did talk about the Comedy Festival, and I hope I’ve promoted that quite well. But we ended up talking about my life of the comedy, the teaching, the single Mum years, the decision to start over in my 40s.
He did a very good job of seeing me genuinely interested. Thank you, Ed. It was just really nice.
I felt very relaxed and able to talk to him very openly. And so that was amazing because that evening, the BBC News site picked the story up too, I had no idea that that was going to happen.
I just got a link sent to me on that family WhatsApp chat with my daughter saying, “Oh, Mum, you’re famous!” It was a picture of me performing at Altitude Festival with sort of the crux of the interview
put into a news article under it. So that was just such a nice thing to happen, just like really a sort of really affirming few weeks, you know, little things that make you go, “Okay, maybe I'm not always completely
shouting into the void.” So I don’t know, maybe it does come back to that quote, put yourself out there because I was really nervous about doing that interview, I was really scared.
And also I was really nervous about pitching my piece to Chortle because, I’m nobody, you know, I just thought, “Oh, what if they kind of go, ‘Oh, you know, who’s she, she’s nobody,’” but they did it straight away, they were really great before it.
So, and then it caused me being me the first thing I thought was, “Oh, then they must just be really desperate for content.” But hey, even if that is the case, it’s still a nice thing to happen.
I was just talking about finding a tribe and sort of, you know, that sense of working together with people and I’ve just finished listening to Ben Elton’s book, “What have I done?” His autobiography.
I was absolutely captivated. I grew up watching Ben on Friday Night Live, watching things like The Young Ones. Actually, I wasn’t allowed to watch The Young Ones, but we would all sit down as a family
to watch The Benny Hill Show. What times, strange times, the early eighties, difficult to explain to somebody who wasn’t there and all that sort of chaotic brilliance that made me feel in my early, yeah, pre-teens,
actually, that comedy really mattered. It was something that actually made a difference. I could remember watching Friday Night Live and watching people like Josie Lawrence and
Harry Enfield do comedy, how it says, you know, and obviously Ben’s monologues and just being absolutely kind of hypnotised and Joe Brand, you know, people and my dad hating her, my dad, absolutely hating her, and me being like, “Wow, I’ve never seen that before.
I’ve never seen a woman get up and just have that whole fuck you attitude.” So it meant so much and then to hear him talking about those years in his autobiography, plus everything he’s done since then.
And also, I didn’t realise how much criticism he’s taken. And it’s not just criticism, it’s sort of vitriol that he’s had to deal with from the press.
And even, after I finished the book, I looked up to some of his reviews and even The Guardian, oh, he’s so full of himself, he’s desperate to name drop and talk about the people that he’s met over the years.
Well, so what? He’s not doing it. If you read the book, if you listen to the book, he doesn’t do it in a, “Yeah, and then this
person thinks I’m brilliant. And God, you must think I’m amazing.” It’s not like that at all.
It’s all done very humbly. And I just think, do you know what, I was mates with Paul McCartney, George Harrison.
I’d never shut up about it. You would be sick of me. I would never stop name dropping.
I would not do it in a humble way. You know, I just, oh, yeah, it was a fascinating book to read. And one of the things I loved in it as well was the way he talked about meeting his wife,
Sophie. And, genuinely, actually, I was cleaning the bathroom, listening to him talk about when he was in Australia with Rick Mayall and he first met her.
And so, you know, it wasn’t even overly, like, it wasn’t a Hallmark movie, you know, it doesn’t make it sound or like bloody Mills and Boon or anything. It was just very matter of fact, when I wasn’t with her, when we left, I just couldn’t
stop talking about it and thinking about her, I drove people mad. And yeah, it made me have a little moment of, “Okay, so that stuff does actually exist, those situations do happen.
But yeah, I remember back in the late eighties, mid to late eighties quoting his routines at school, when we went back to school on Monday after Friday Night Live had been on, doing, you know, Rick Mayall bits.
And of course, it was the same time that there was French and Saunders, Victoria Wood, and again so quoting their sketches and just absolutely loving all of that stuff. So, that quote, I guess, you know, “take risks, do stuff that you might not necessarily
think it’s a good idea, but it might bring you some happiness if you do.” I don’t know. Use it cautiously, I guess.
I guess, apply that quote with caution. But the things that I’ve read, the things that I’ve done, the experiences that I’ve had over the past few weeks, yeah, I guess it’s an alright one.
I usually just slag the quotes off to death, which I was kind of tempted to do with that one as well. But, yeah, maybe there’s some truth in it.
Maybe happiness is something that you trip over while you’re chasing something else. God, I sound like a walking inspirational quote myself now. Anyway, I think I’m just going to keep listening it because life’s too short and happiness is
too rare. And honestly, you know, incidents about pigeon kicking can make podcast content. Thank you so much for listening.
I’ve been Jules O’Brian with the “Avoid Excessive Cleavage and Other Advice to Ignore” podcast. I hope to see you again. Until then, just remember to ignore the unsolicited advice and the cheesy inspirational quotes.
I hope life treats you well.